Leaders with Leverage: Adopting a Negotiator Mindset

How to turn preparation into your winning tactic

April 30, 2024 • Susie Tomenchok • Episode 86

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Dive into the essential world of negotiation with me and discover how to turn preparation into your winning tactic. I'll reveal the strategic game plan that turns high-stakes conversations from nerve-wracking to triumph, sharing personal stories of underpreparation and the euphoria of skillfully negotiated wins. With every anecdote and expert insight, you'll learn how to craft your objectives, leverage your position, and always have a savvy fallback to keep you in control of any deal-making scenario.

Feel the pulse of intense discussions as we explore the emotional aspects of negotiation, learning to master the heat of the moment with poise and preparation. I'll guide you through an exercise that challenges your current strategies and refines your approach to be all-encompassing, from mental readiness to the anticipation of every possible turn. So, suit up and step into the negotiation arena with the confidence of a seasoned pro, ready to steer your career towards unprecedented success.

In this episode, I cover the following:
1. Understanding the level of preparation of the other party in a negotiation.
2. Anticipating emotions and framing/reframing the conversation.
3. Identifying alternatives and considering various scenarios.

The Negotiator's Toolbox is now available!
Get $100 off when you use code TOOLBOX at www.negotiationlove.com

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Speaker 1:

Do you want to know the number one strategy that any negotiator will tell you is key for success? Stay right here. I'll tell you more. Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomichuk. It's time to be your own advocate and confidently navigate what you want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens every day in plain sight, so you need to be ready to opt in and say yes with confidence. This happens by adopting a negotiator's mindset, and I'll show you how, together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills and shifts in mindset you need to know. You will be empowered to naturally advocate for yourself and grow your professional skills, and while you're practicing along the way, you'll increase your confidence and gain respect, all while you're growing into that future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do it. Let's lead with leverage. Hey, I'm so glad you're here. You made the choice to be here and I appreciate that.

Speaker 1:

So today I want to talk about the most important aspect of a negotiation. It's like in real estate. They say, location, location, location. It's similar In a negotiation. It's preparation, preparation, preparation. That's not easy to say, but it's true, it's preparation, preparation, preparation. That's not easy to say, but it's true, it's preparation. And the crazy thing about a negotiation, especially a high stakes negotiation, is that you get nervous about it. You have emotion around it, so the last thing you want to do is kind of spend more time thinking about it. But the key to any negotiation for success is to have a plan, and I want to dig into that a little bit more because it sounds so easy on the out out, just saying it, but it there's a lot to that. There's a lot of layers to that preparation and we're going to dig into that.

Speaker 1:

I had a friend who is a who is a lawyer, and she said the first thing she would always do in the first conversations around the deal is she would ask enough questions to know how prepared the other side was. And if they weren't prepared, she knew how much she could take advantage of the other side. And so in that context you know she was working with business people and lawyers that do deals for a living, so this was a foundational aspect of the deal. So for her to do that. That was pretty sound strategy. But just think about that.

Speaker 1:

Some people will know if you're ready for this, and so prepping and being very intentional about what you moving into negotiation is key. And the reason it's important is because when we get in the moment, when we are at the table, we will have emotions that happen because we don't know exactly what will happen, will have emotions that happen because we don't know exactly what will happen. So if you prepare and have a plan, that future self that is just flooded with all this emotion will have a plan to follow, and I think about that a lot. Even when I get triggered and I have emotion, I think, well, good thing, I have this plan. And even if, in the moment, the emotions make me want to just agree, I force myself to go back to my past self, who had my best interests in mind, because that Susie took the time to really think about what was important. So when I think about preparation, it is key to getting your head right, to be thoughtful around. What are the goals you have? What would the best outcome for you be? It's thinking about all of the leverage at play, even thinking beyond what will come up so that in that moment you have pre-thought about some of these different paths that maybe the other person could take or a question that they could ask, that you won't be surprised about that, even if they ask you something or they introduce something that was unexpected. If you've thought about the leverage and thinking about the different places they might go, it might be adjacent to something that you prepared for. So, thinking about the emotion that you might face in you or the emotion that might come from the other side, thinking about what you're going to do in those situations.

Speaker 1:

I also, like when I'm preparing, I'm very thoughtful about how I want to frame and reframe through the conversation. So I think about and script out sometimes exactly what I'm going to say to start the negotiation out. How am I going to frame this in a way that will make sense to them, so they'll understand it from my perspective. And then, of course, with a preparation, you need to for sure talk about what are your alternatives, or consider what your alternatives are, because that just increases your confidence when you know there's alternatives to this negotiation. That allows you to not feel that you're strapped to have a deal in this moment, in this time. So all of those aspects are so key, and when you think about distilling out or teasing out all of those topics that could come up, it makes you realize the power of it, so that you could think it through, so you could be clear-minded before you go in, so that you can be objective as possible in the moment.

Speaker 1:

Preparation, preparation, preparation is key and I'll give you some tips, but before I'll also share a few stories. So stay right here. You don't want to miss how to really become a great person that prepares. We'll be right back. It's me that I'd tell you how excited I am about this collection of courses I have available. It's all around the concept of adopting a negotiator mindset, and the only way to do that is to really understand what it's like to be a negotiator, so that you can practice it in your everyday. I'm excited about this project because it's going to allow people to do this on their own time and go through the course at their own pace. If you want to learn more, go to SuzyTomichukcom. I'd love for you to check it out. So welcome back.

Speaker 1:

So, thinking about some stories to illustrate the power of preparation, I had to laugh at myself because I started to remember some situations where I wasn't prepared, and as an extrovert because I talk out loud and sometimes I just say what's on my mind when I'm not prepared you'll know it, because when I don't know the answer to something, my just automatic response is to say, oh, I didn't contemplate, that, I hadn't thought about that, and that's exactly what happened. I remember being in a pretty high stakes negotiation with a colleague of mine and it was with a government agency. It was for a government contract and so we had never done anything like that before and, to be honest, they didn't have anybody else to send, so they had to send us. We didn't take any time to think about what we needed to do, what number we had to get to. If we would have thought about the fact that this would be a different cadence, a different process than we were used to, that would have been really helpful, than we were used to, that would have been really helpful. So what happened was when we got to the office I laugh about it now and it was a very serious situation in the moment, but it's almost embarrassing to talk about, and that's probably why it makes me laugh a little bit because we got into this room and there was nice conversation. We were connecting with the two people that were there. We had flown to Seattle to do this negotiation, and so they gave us coffee and made us feel comfortable.

Speaker 1:

And then it was almost like this light switch changed and all of a sudden they both went into this negotiation mode, and it was because there was a very methodical process that they had to follow, given that it was a government contract, and we weren't aware of that. So they were telling us their terms, they just gave us all the information and we just sat in silence. We didn't know what to say because we had no plan. We hadn't thought about what might happen. We didn't even have enough kind of thoughtful dialogue in our head to be able to say hey, listen, this is something that we haven't experienced before. So let's just take a step back. This is how we would normally negotiate. Let's talk about the whole process that you need to go through so that we can have at least gotten our bearings. We didn't even know the right questions to ask. Oh my gosh, it was such a miss. It was such a miss. They ended up.

Speaker 1:

What happens is in those negotiations, they kind of give the terms and then they walk out of the room and thank goodness that allowed me and my colleague to kind of get our bearings. We actually had to call to headquarters and get the numbers and let them run the numbers while we kind of waited for them to tell us what the number was. So me and my colleague were able to come up with a game plan. We were really lucky because we had that space to do it. Most of the time, if you're in a negotiation where you're trying to get to the end, you wouldn't have that grace. You're trying to get to the end, you wouldn't have that grace. So preparing, even to contemplate that this was going to be a different structure deal structure, would have been really helpful to us. So being prepared allows you to identify even in the moment oh, this is different than what we thought it was going to be, and what are we going to do. Especially, prepare is so important. When you have somebody on either side of you or you're working with a team, you have to prepare and even prepare for the unexpected. Preparation is key. So that one didn't go very well at all, so one that went well, and this is more of a professional development scenario.

Speaker 1:

I was a leader within a big organization and for quite some time there was somebody on my team that was not hitting their expectations and I thought I was clear all along to make sure that I said to this person this is what I was expecting of you and tell that person on a regular basis. But it got really hard to do and I needed to have a conversation with him to tell him you're not meeting expectations. I'm going to put you on a plan. But I kept putting that off. I put it off again and again so I finally so that my emotion around it, my guilt around it, was really high. But I knew that I had to have a plan. So I thought through exactly what I wanted to say. I said out loud what I wanted to say. I thought about exactly how the conversation would go. I anticipated the emotions that he would feel, that he would pull back to me, what excuses that he would give me, and having that preparation and being really thoughtful about it and even identifying that I felt guilty, that I was waited so long to have the conversation with him and that made me feel less confident because I felt a little bit of guilt around it, even preparing for that and saying to myself it doesn't matter at this point.

Speaker 1:

The issue at hand is that you need, as a leader, to be clear with him. So that preparation for me, as a leader, was key to that conversation. It allowed me to get into the right state of mind. It reminded me that it was my responsibility, in the role that I was in, that I needed to spend the time to be really thoughtful about how I was going to come to him and then not just to have the conversation, but what was going to be the follow-up. I thought the whole scenario through and I did a really good job and I felt confident about it.

Speaker 1:

It was still difficult to do, but that high stakes situation for me and thinking about taking the time to prepare, especially in a situation where I just wanted to get it in and get out, and during that era it was more acceptable to be very boss-like, to just kind of come in and you listen to what I'm going to say and you listen to what I'm going to say. But in those times, in that moment, I really also thought like a negotiator and I asked specific questions and listened to make sure that he was understanding what I was saying. A scenario that's high stakes is something that we avoid, and when it is high stakes for us, no matter what that means to us, it's that much more important to prepare your preparation should be. The length of it should be as equally related to the high stakes of it how uncomfortable it feels or how important outcome is for you. Prepare is the key. So when we come back, I'll give you three tips. There are so many tips that I would have on this topic, but I will distill it down to three and we'll probably have another episode with some additional ones. But at this point, three tips that you can use right now when you face any situation, and especially a high stakes situation. And the more you make this a regular practice, the better. It will just become your natural course of business. So stay right here.

Speaker 1:

I just want to jump in and let you know I wrote a book. It's the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation. It's really a book about my experiences the good, the bad, the ugly, all of it and how I learned with confidence to advocate for myself and move through negotiation in my everyday life, at home and at work. If you'd like to grab a copy, go to suzytomichukcom. You can get it there, and I'd love if you did. All right, we're back. We're with our tips here.

Speaker 1:

So our first tip is make time to prepare. I know that sounds so basic, but especially in a high stakes negotiation, we just want to get in and get out, and so it's so important to make sure that you create that space so that you can really think through all that you need to do. So make the time to prepare. So when you look at a situation that's coming up for you whether it's a difficult conversation, whether it's a negotiation or just a situation that feels high stakes for you make sure that you actually place time associated to that before the situation. And I mean, I think it's best to do it at least a day before. I like, especially in a high stakes situation, I will prepare at least five days before and then I'll look at my notes and think about some other things, because for me, I get everything out of my head and then I kind of marinate in it through a few days and then I put together the plan before that day and then I'll look at it one more time before I go in. So make time to prepare, all right.

Speaker 1:

So tip two on preparation is to allow yourself to think about everything, and I'm going to give you a few categories that you absolutely need to consider when you're going into a high stakes situation. So number one is all of the things that are important to you and all of the things that are important to the other side. Maybe it's price, maybe it's timing, maybe in a difficult conversation, it is keeping your job. A difficult conversation it is keeping your job. What are all the things that you are or the other party will have interest in? It could be a lot of things, and even brainstorm way out of it, even if it's not anything that's going to come up. The more you can contemplate every aspect of the conversation, the better you'll be to not be surprised in the moment when that question comes up or that topic arises. So think about all the things. The leverage pieces Contemplate how long it's going to take. Is it going to be one conversation? Is it going to be more than one conversation?

Speaker 1:

Prioritize all of the things that are important to you and make sure you're really clear with yourself about what are your deal breakers, what are the things that you absolutely have to have and what's not important to you. Do the same for the other side what's really important to them, what are the things that you know that are important to them? And then the last thing I'll tell you about planning for your preparation is have some questions, that you are going to ask, some open-ended questions, so that you can tease out some additional information, identify things that you might not know. But have some questions ready so that you can go right into it. Especially when we get stuck and we're not sure where to go, asking questions is a great way to get your footing back, to get your confidence back and also be really, really mindful in the moment, so you can listen to and understand what the other person's needs are. So the second one is expanding and brainstorming about all the possibilities that could be in play in a negotiation.

Speaker 1:

So tip number three, the last one I'm going to give you on this topic in this episode, is to plan, prepare for your emotions. We all know that emotions are at play, and sometimes our, our emotions. Right before we walk in, we might say to ourselves well, you know, it's not the right time, I'm, they're not open to this conversation, we almost want this excuse to walk away. So be ready for that, so that in the moment, you can go okay, I was expecting that. Yes, you, it's okay, you still need to move forward. You have a plan that you can look at and think about how you'll feel in that moment when they say yes, when they say no, how will you feel? How will you adjust? How will those emotions play out for you? The more you think about that, the more in the moment you can identify and say label in yourself okay, there's that apprehension I knew once. I said yes, I'd want to go. Okay, we have a deal and be done.

Speaker 1:

These emotions are something that we can be more in control of when we've thought through how they're going to come about. And the other side of that is think about the emotion on the other side. Are they surprised about the situation? Are they going to become aggravated? Are they going to be sad or are they going to be excited? How are their emotions going to manifest in this situation? So that when that happens, you're not surprised by it. It doesn't make or adjust your plan at all, because emotions and others can actually make us adjust as well. So be ready for your emotions and theirs. So the three tips are first of all, make time to prep. Number two is to brainstorm everything, really think about every aspect on your side and the other side. And then the third tip is to prep for the emotions that you'll go through, or the other side, so that nothing surprises you or gets you off your game. Preparation is key. So when we come back, we're going to put the pedal to the metal where we stop, start and continue. So stay right here.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I got in. Hey everybody, I'm James. I'm Susie's co-host on her other podcast, Quick Take. If you're enjoying this podcast, you're going to love our podcast Quick Take even better, Mostly because, well, I'm there, which is infinitely more entertaining. But hey, you'll love it if you join us. Please subscribe now, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1:

All right. So our last segment is putting it into practice. As an executive coach, you can listen to a lot of concepts, but I know that my clients only make a difference when they think about how to apply it for them. So I really want to challenge you to go participate with me in this. Stop, start and continue and I've thought about what I'm going to do as well to change my behavior. So, moving forward, I can use preparation even more powerfully. So let's start with stop. What are you going to stop doing? What is that for you? What are you doing that isn't serving you as it relates to preparing for any kind of high-stakes situation that you might face. What I'm going to stop doing is I do a lot of preparation in my head, I think about the scenario and I don't write it down. So I'm going to stop limiting myself by just doing it up here and, especially in a high-stakes situation, I'm going to force myself to write it down. So I'm going to stop allowing me to take kind of a shortcut, because I know I'll be that much more prepared if I thoroughly do it by writing it down. So I'm going to stop just thinking about it. What are you going to stop doing. What are you doing right now? That's getting in your way of having great success. So what are you going to start doing? What are you going to start doing as it relates to preparing Now for me? I do schedule time to prepare, but I want to look at it. I'm going to start thinking about it more as a metric. How high stakes is this for me? I'm going to start thinking about it more as a metric. How high stakes is this for me? And when I see something coming up that's really high stakes, I'm going to really spend more time and maybe even have more than one preparation time. I'm going to start doing that and think about it from a metric. So, what do you need to start doing? What do you need to put in place? When you think about those tips that I provided as it relates to getting yourself ready for a situation that's upcoming for you, and maybe you apply this, what are you going to start doing related to something that's coming up for you and then continue? What am I going to continue to do and then continue? What am I going to continue to do?

Speaker 1:

I really like to think way outside of the possibilities, because I find that when I think about all of the things that could be at play. Even if completely ridiculous, it allows me to really be creative and identify areas or lines or boundaries that I might not have seen. So, taking the time to prepare, but also to really brainstorm and get a little crazy about what the possibility is. Even if it's something like what would be the best possible scenario, I want this. What would be the best possible scenario? I want this, but this would be the amazing outcome. Looking at it like that and broadening what the possibilities are, then it doesn't limit you. Sometimes we get in our own way when we believe that this is where we needed to go, we don't even see the next step. So I'm going to continue to really pull out the possibilities, be really thoughtful about what is possible on my side and what's possible on the other side. So what are you happy that you do? What are you giving yourself credit for that you can continue to do, as it relates to preparing yourself for any kind of high stakes situation, relates to preparing yourself for any kind of high-stakes situation.

Speaker 1:

I can't tell you any more than I feel, like I've said in this episode, about the power of preparation. Like my friend, the attorney, said she looks at the other party to see if they're prepared and if they're not, she takes advantage. Great negotiators know that in order to be successful in a negotiation, you have to know where you're going. You have to spend the time and be really clear because in the moment when you have a plan, when you know exactly your floor and ceiling, when you've thought about the interests of the other party, you can be really present. You can really listen to understand. You can know the guardrails because you've already pre-thought them. It's such a powerful thing. So remember, prepare, prepare, prepare. It's a thing that, if you want to really adopt a negotiator mindset, that's the key. If you want to connect with me, go to negotiationlovecom. I'd love to hear from you and I'm glad that you made the commitment to be here. But don't forget negotiation is more than a skill, it's a mindset. I'll see you next time. I'll see you next time.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for listening to this episode of Leaders with Leverage. I am so honored that you chose to spend your time with me. If you're ready to accelerate your professional growth and invest in defining the career you want, I have more resources for you. You can join my newsletter, where your inbox will love a Monday minute. It's an easy read where I share stories of how others are adopting a negotiator's mindset, so that you can use these tips so that you can find success every week. And if you want to read my book, the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation, I have a special offer just for my listeners. These links can be found in the show notes and if you want to work with me, there's more information there as well. I'd love for you to be a part of this movement to adopt a negotiator's mindset, because those who do create opportunities for themselves and they believe the investment is completely worth it. Head to the links in the show notes and just remember that I appreciate you.

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Susie Tomenchok

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