Leaders with Leverage: Adopting a Negotiator Mindset

Who Holds the Keys to Your Career Advancement?

• Susie Tomenchok • Episode 103

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Are you frustrated that your boss seems to be all talk and no action when it comes to advocating for your promotion or pay raise? I'm here to share the strategies you need to get what you deserve. I'll show you how to identify if the person you're talking to can actually make the final decision, instead of just collecting information.

I'll also reveal my tips, like building a strong internal network and doing the "homework" to make it easy for your boss to fight for you. With these negotiation skills, you'll be able to confidently advocate for yourself and get the results you want. Whether it's a raise, a promotion, or more resources for your team, I have practical advice to help you navigate office politics.

In this episode, I'll cover:
1. Dealing with a boss or decision-maker who is not effectively advocating for you.
2. Identifying if the person you are negotiating with is actually the final decision-maker.
3. Importance of building a strong network within your organization.

The Negotiator's Toolbox is now available!
Get $100 off when you use code TOOLBOX at www.negotiationlove.com

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Speaker 1:

Do you feel like you're hitting the wall because your boss is not the decision maker or the person in front of you is not the right person who can say, yes. Well, stick right here. We're going to talk about strategies to move through those issues. Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, susie Tomichuk. It's time to be your own advocate and confidently navigate what you want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I wanna show you that negotiation happens every day in plain sight, so you need to be ready to opt in and say yes with confidence. This happens by adopting a negotiator's mindset, and I'll show you how, together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills and shifts in mindset you need to know. You will be empowered to naturally advocate for yourself and grow your professional skills, and while you're practicing along the way, you'll increase your confidence and gain respect, all while you're growing into that future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do it. Let's lead with leverage. Hey friends, welcome. I am so happy that you made the decision to be here today, and what an interesting topic, and I'll tell you, this has come at me from a few people. One of them was my daughter, who was talking about one of her peers who had been talking to her boss about a promotion that she wanted, and her boss kept saying, yep, I'm advocating for you, and it was on and on, and every time they would get together he would put this expectation out and then, lo and behold, oh, I just haven't been able to push it through yet. But then she gets a mentor that is his peer on another side of the organization. It's a mentor that is his peer on another side of the organization and she's told that he hasn't even gone forward with advocating for her at all. And I think this is a real problem in corporate environments. It's a problem in negotiation. The person in front of you has an ego and they don't want to have to admit that they are not the decision maker or they have to really make a strong pitch for you, and either they may not believe it, they might have somebody else they're pitching, or they just aren't a great advocator, and so it's.

Speaker 1:

How do you know? I also had a woman who came up to me after I spoke a couple of weeks ago and she said I need some advice. I don't like getting advice from my boss because I don't respect them. How do I go around that person to the person above them? Because I have a lot of respect for them and I feel like their advice is much more contextually not accurate, but contextually applicable to me and I think this is so interesting. First of all, there are a lot of people that you should get context from. You shouldn't just be suspicious that this is happening to you. Try to gather your facts.

Speaker 1:

But the whole idea here is what do you do when the person across from you, or how do you know if that person is saying what they say they're going to do, or if they're the right person that can say yes? And so many times, especially in a corporate environment, the person across the table can't just say yes in that moment. They don't have that authority, especially if they're not expecting to be asked about a promotion or more money or additional funding for a project or something. They need to go to somebody else and hopefully they're really honest about that. But people often ask me, in negotiations as well, is how do you know if the person in front of me is the decision maker. Because if they're not, you're negotiating against yourself. I'll tell you why when I illustrate this in a story.

Speaker 1:

But it's so important to ask about the authority. And if you don't know the person, yes, you have to take their word for it, but push beyond so that you can find out where and how are decisions made Within the organization. You should know that for yourself. But also when you're going for a new job in a new organization, or if you're negotiating a contract or you're in front of a vendor, it is okay to ask them what is the decision making process? I want to make sure I'm clear on who needs to be in the room. It's important to ask that and it's completely okay, especially early in the negotiation. It gets a little bit more awkward as you get closer to a decision if you haven't asked that in the beginning, because then there's some assumptions made, you've built the relationship and then asking that at the wrong time can feel a little awkward.

Speaker 1:

So think about this concept and start to think about when does this apply to you? When is the person in front of you you're assuming can be the decision maker? It may not be about you and a promotion? Are they the one that can advocate for the project? Do they have enough influence internally? When does this show up for you In a negotiation, in talking with your peers? Is it your boss Thinking about your environment, the people around you, and who has the authority, the influence and making sure that you're in front of the person that really matters? So to get you to really think about this, I'll share a couple stories with you when we come back to get you thinking about how this applies either now or for you in the future. We'll be right back.

Speaker 1:

Hey, suzy, here, thought I'd pop in. I wanted to let you know I've been an executive coach for over a decade. I work with executives and they call me their silent partner because I help them increase their confidence when they're facing really difficult decisions. If you'd like to see if we're a good fit, head over to suzytomichukcom and fill out an application. I'd love to hear from you.

Speaker 1:

Okay, we're back and I was thinking about this story from a client of mine. She had gone for a new role within a new organization and it was a great role. She was super excited about it and she had her list. She was really great about thinking about all the pieces of leverage. What are the important factors to her? What are her non-negotiables, what's her floor and ceiling? She was really clear about what was important to her, and it was salary. It was being able to have the right amount of remote time, it was vacation and it was some higher education credits that they were going to fund for her. Those were the four items that were really important to her, and she had other things that she didn't want to she wanted to negotiate with. They were things that, like her start date, she could start right away which she wanted to use as leverage. There was also the bonus that she felt a little bit more like she wouldn't ask for as much if she could get these other four things Health benefits she didn't need them because her spouse had health benefits, so she had a little bit of play on the other side.

Speaker 1:

So she went in to talk to this person that she thought was the decision maker in the moment. So she laid out and she was really in her head, to be honest, around being nervous and stating with a lot of confidence that this is what she needed. So she laid it out about. She wanted to get those four things and she started with the least important one, just because she wanted to see how that would land, if it was easy, and then be able to go from there. She thought through the strategy of the timing of each one, be able to go from there. She thought through the strategy of the timing of each one and she got to all of them. And as she went through she threw out some other things. Well, if that's hard for you to do, what? If we talk about bonus, I can adjust that. Is that okay with you? And so they kind of went back and forth, came to an agreement on salary, time off, the higher education credits, all of those things, and she felt pretty pleased about it. So then, as she was leaving, that person on the other side of the table said well, I'll let you know if I can get these for you.

Speaker 1:

And it took the wind out of her lungs literally, because she had assumed that the person in front of her was negotiating and really that person in front of her was a collector of information so that she could go back in the organization and say these are the things she needs. And why that's so important is because then she doesn't have as much leverage. She's kind of shown all her cards. She said what was important. She told them what wasn't as important, so she used those chips in that moment, not realizing that now this woman was going to come back and say, okay, we could do this on salary. It's like they're starting all over and she didn't realize it. And so that woman went away, came back and sure enough, she was kind of starting again and this time she said I want to make sure that I'm in front of the person that's going to make the final decision, because this isn't really working for me. And she got an okay. We really had to strategize about how she went back in, not realizing that. But it put her in such a hard spot because she didn't realize that that person was not the decision maker. It wasn't truly a negotiation.

Speaker 1:

People don't think about how important that is until they're in it or they've been burned by it. And it's so hard and so, like the example I gave you, with my daughter and her peer and going to her boss and making these pleas to her boss, and making these pleas, really thinking about what do I need to do to develop, to get this next step? How can I get more money? These are the things that are important to me, and having a boss that's kind of shaking their head, yeah, yeah, yeah sounds great. It's almost like if they're so excited about it and being like, yes, you're doing all the right things, it's almost like they're doing that just to make you feel okay. So you'll kind of leave them alone and not push. And so it's really difficult, especially if you have a relationship with the person. So for that my daughter's friend, it was challenging for her to go to her boss and say are you the decision maker? What are you doing to actually move this forward? What's the timing around this? She hadn't asked those questions of him, so he really didn't have to answer the difficult questions and to say to somebody internal are you the decision maker?

Speaker 1:

It's kind of like, oh, that's a knife in the heart because somebody that's more senior than the person that's asking well, their ego can get in the way. They don't want to admit that they're not the decision maker. They want to. You know a lot of people at that level, kind of that mid-management level, is trying to build their influence. They're trying to show that they have the ability to be a decision maker. They want to be. But the truth of the matter sometimes is they're not. And so asking yourself if they are the decision maker when you go in. And if they're not, what questions are you going to ask to make sure that they are doing what they say they'll do by advocating for you. And what do you do if you know they're not great at advocating or you know they don't have the right level of influence to advocate for you? That's tough, but that's really utilizing and leveraging your network. It's thinking about who within the organization at their peer level, maneuvering through some other people, not going around their back, but getting some advice to understand how to maneuver.

Speaker 1:

A friend of mine was wanting to get promoted at a very senior level. She was a VP. She wanted to get promoted to an SVP and she knew that about her boss, that she was not a very good advocate because she saw evidence of that when her peers asked to be promoted. So she did the legwork for her. We worked it out and she talked to some of her peers who had successfully got the title that she wanted and she kind of took the notes for her boss and then went to her boss and said, hey, I wanted to make sure that I got some of the path that you would need to take to get me the position, the promotion that I know you know I deserve, that we've talked about, and I wanted to give you this kind of doing the legwork for you and I'm willing to help as much as I can. In fact, if you're not comfortable with this, I will go to your boss with you by my side and I'll make the case for me. Would you want me to do that? And her boss? She was very careful how she showed her that the pathway, the ways that some of her peers in other departments had gotten approval to get promoted, and she finally gave her boss enough of the right steps to take and advocated with her and helped her maneuver that along the way politically, with giving heads up to the right people before the meeting and all of that. And she ended up getting promoted because she did the legwork, because she was careful how she framed it to her boss so that she didn't get her defensive. She wasn't intentionally going around her. She was going around her by illustrating to her how she was going to help her. Help her, help me, help you is what she basically said.

Speaker 1:

So it's important to really think about? Is the person in front of you the decision maker, or will they have the power to move forward what you need and what do you want to tell them? Because you should unveil parts of your story depending on who that person is across the table from you. All right, when we come back, I'll give you the standard or the greatest juiciest tips, three tips that you need to know in maneuvering. When the person across from you question mark is the decision maker, we'll be right back.

Speaker 1:

Hey, suzy, here. I thought I'd pop in. You know, when I was a little girl, I always thought I wanted to be on the stage. I thought I might be holding a microphone and singing. But I'm now on the stage a lot and I love it because it's not about me and that experience. I love to move people, give them an impactful message that really makes them feel confident so that they change their actions. If you know somebody in your network internally that hires speakers, I would love a warm introduction. Just send them to suzytomachukcom speaker page. I would be so grateful. All right, we're going to jump right into it with tip number one.

Speaker 1:

So the first tip is to build your network. So you should if you're in an organization, have really strong relationships with your peers. You should build relationships with your boss's peers and not just departmentally, just the department over. You should expand that into a broader part of the organization. That into a broader part of the organization. You should be seen and known and have regular practices of building influence. And the reason this is important is by having those relationships you can get some context of how decisions are made. Who has influence within the organization? If your boss does? If they don't, who does around them? How can you help them? And so building that knowledge, that intel within the organization, is key to understanding that political landscape, so that you know how to maneuver. Don't just go ask your boss. Have a thought out strategy about how you're going to present it to them. And if you know they don't have influence, what are you going to do about that? So building that network I'm giving away too much already and if it's with a new company outside, who do you know? That can give you some of the context. That's the first thing.

Speaker 1:

The tip one is build your network now within the organization and if you know you want to move to another organization down the road, start building those relationships. Now Start identifying who you need to know at different companies, what companies you might be interested in. You're not leaving, you're just building that network so you have more intel as you move into situations where you want to explore other opportunities, have conversations. Having that broad network will give you more intel when you're in front of the person to know if they're the right person to make the decision. So the second tip if you know your network, you can ask them if the person in front of you is the decision maker. Make sure you ask that question and it's also a great best practice when you're initially talking to somebody about a role, about a promotion, to be really clear and say hey, just so I know, so I understand. How does this process work? Are you the end-all, be-all decision maker? Are you the one that has the signing authority on this decision? If not, what are the steps? Who do you need to talk to? Who do I need to be in front of? How do I help you? Help me.

Speaker 1:

So having that conversation early really helps to make sure it's not awkward later and you can frame it early in a way that doesn't feel challenging to the other person. It can be out of curiosity, to understand more. To say, you want to make sure that you do all the things that are necessary. So help me understand how this decision is made, also using that network to understand how did other people do it, and having the intel that you can gather so you know how the organization makes those choices and who those people are that really have the authority to say yes. So ask early, ask in a really curious way. Make it a part of like kind of your step one, as a part of your prep, as something you need to understand before you go into your official frame of how you're going to move through the conversation.

Speaker 1:

Find out who that person is, and the third tip is to do the homework for them. So once you find out who the decision maker is even if you find out in the moment that they're not you might want to have a plan B so that you're not negotiating against yourself. You could even say to them in the moment hey, I know that this is not the end, I'll be all. So these are the three things that are really important to me. I want to make sure that you lead these forward. There are some other factors that I'll be willing to negotiate, but if you could get the decision on these three, that would help us continue the conversation. So pulling back and making sure that you have what you need to frame it the right way.

Speaker 1:

So those three tips are one is build your network. Gather intel internally and externally, especially if you know some of those career moves that you might want to make. Start building those networks now. The second one is to ask them how will the process go? Are you the final decision maker? And three is do their homework? Help them, help you. What do you need to give them? What resources, even if you stand side by side with them and advocate for yourself, what is the way that you can help them navigate and do the legwork for them when we come back? This is a tough one, so we'll wrap it up and I want you to really think about how you're going to put this in place for you oh, I got in.

Speaker 2:

Hey everybody, I'm james. I'm suzy's co-host on her other podcast, quick take. You're enjoying this podcast. You're gonna love our podcast quick take even better, mostly because, well, I'm there, which is infinitely more entertaining. But hey, you'll love it if you join us. Please subscribe now, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1:

This is a tough one, especially if you work for somebody regularly who's really really good to you as a boss, but they don't advocate for you in the moments that really matter. So think about that. Instead of stop, start and continue, I want you to spend some time reflecting on who are the people in your inner circle and how well are they established to advocate for you. Have you asked enough in the past for things? Have you asked enough in the past for things and have they been successful getting those for you? If not, why not? Is it something that you need to shift? Maybe it's an honest conversation you need to have with them. Maybe you've asked for things and they've never come through. Really, think about your boss and if they're a great advocate for you and if not, how can you have that conversation in a way that's not going to be threatening to them but you can move forward and figure out how to work better together and say you've been talking or you have an executive coach. People always use me as an excuse and say I'm really trying to advocate more for myself. I want to get the promotion that I've always thought about in my head. I want to go now and ask you for this. What do I need to do? How can I help you, help me. And on the outside, when you're in a negotiation and the person in front of you whether it's buying a car, whether it's a vendor feel okay with asking them are you the decision maker? Let's talk about before we start the negotiation. Let's talk about what are the decision points along the way and who needs to be pulled in and needs to know about this. As we maneuver through. I want to make sure that I'm in a place, that I'm giving you all you need and for me to understand what barriers you're going to have to go through or people that you're going to have to bring in, will help me, help you. So there's an easy way to frame it, but frame it early to them so that you can get that intel to understand and know if they're the right person in front of you or not. Make this a best practice. I tell you it gets in your way. You'll get burned by it if you don't do this. I guarantee it. You have to make sure that you think about this in any negotiation that you're going to do for you, for your company, whatever it is negotiation that you're going to do for you, for your company, whatever it is. It's not something that comes naturally. Negotiation is something you have to practice every day. If you want to connect with me, go to negotiationlovecom and remember this is a process. This is about getting better. It's about thinking about these different stories, these different strategies, in a way that you can use them, try them, get more confident as you move through, so you can advocate for you, for yourself, your team and for the business. And remember, negotiation is more than a skill, it is definitely a mindset.

Speaker 1:

I'm Susie. I'm so glad you were here, until next time. Thanks for listening to this episode of Leaders with Leverage. I am so honored that you chose to spend your time with me. If you're ready to accelerate your professional growth and invest in defining the career you want, I have more resources for you. You can join my newsletter, where your inbox will love a Monday Minute. It's an easy read, where I share stories of how others are adopting a negotiator's mindset, so that you can use these tips, so that you can find success every week. And if you want to read my book, the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation, I have a special offer just for my listeners. These links can be found in the show notes, and if you want to work with me, there's more information there as well. I'd love for you to be a part of this movement to adopt a negotiator's mindset, because those who do create opportunities for themselves and they believe the investment is completely worth it. Head to the links in the show notes and just remember that. I appreciate you.

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Susie Tomenchok

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