How to Get What You Want

The importance of influence

• Susie Tomenchok • Episode 80

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Why is influence such a powerful force in our lives? Today, we'll delve into this captivating topic, challenging us to question our equation with others and the power of influence in our lives. Through stories and insights, I'll unravel the complexities of building influence, emphasizing the importance of genuine connection and trust. From negotiating tactics to leadership dynamics, influence emerges as a cornerstone of success.

But how can you harness it effectively? Tune in to discover three actionable tips to cultivate your influence, empowering you to inspire change and lead with impact. Join the conversation and embark on a journey to transform your mindset. Because in the realm of influence, every interaction shapes the narrative of your success.

In this episode, I talk about the following:
1. The importance of influence in various contexts, including leadership within organizations.
2. How influence plays a crucial role in negotiation dynamics.
3. Practical tips for individuals looking to enhance their influence.

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Speaker 1:

Are you an influencer when it comes to negotiation? Well, you should be, and I'm going to show you how as soon as we come back. Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, Suzy Tomachuk. It's time to be your own advocate and confidently navigate what you want out of your career, Not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens every day in plain sight, so you need to be ready to opt in and say yes with confidence. This happens by adopting a negotiator's mindset, and I'll show you how, Together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills and shifts in mindset you need to know. You will be empowered to naturally advocate for yourself and grow your professional skills, and while you're practicing along the way, you'll increase your confidence and gain respect, All while you're growing into that future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high-stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do it. Let's lead with leverage. All right, welcome back. I'm so glad that you made the choice to be here today.

Speaker 1:

This is one of my very favorite topics influence and we all know what that word means how we influence somebody else, how we inspire other people, how we create impact for others. But what's crazy about it? We don't think about kind of our equation with other people as it relates to influence and it's so important to do that. And the other thing is we need to think about how do we build influence, and it isn't in our power. We can't dictate to somebody that we want them to respect us or see us as somebody that has any kind of control over them. But influence comes from and I'll tell you more about this but it comes from always showing up for others and knowing that impact that you can create for other people when you aren't self-focused. It allows them, it draws them to you, it makes them want to listen to you. So influence isn't something that we can demand or dictate, but our influence is built over time through trusted relationships and even when in a negotiation, what's really important when you think about influences, if you don't have a relationship with that person and you're going to go right into a negotiation, you want to spend a few minutes setting up that relationship, getting to know them a little, making them feel comfortable with you. It's about building that trust as quickly as you can so that they will want to do business with you. They will want to resolve something that you need.

Speaker 1:

Influence is super important and when you look into any organization as leaders influence. Those are the people that get things done In a corporate environment. When there's workplace politics going on, the person that can really impact whether they remain negative or you can shift them to positive is the person that holds influence. And you might think it's dictated by where you sit within the organization. And while the president of the company may automatically have influence, they might not keep it just because of their title, and we all know that there are people that might be in positional leaders and have that power associated to that, but without the added measure of influence, they can't motivate people in the same way. So, considering the influence in a negotiation, considering influence as a leader and even considering who has influence in a situation in an organization and being aware of who those people are, it's fundamentally strategic as a professional to be thoughtful about influence and who you need to know, who needs to know you and how you can grow that influence in a really positive way.

Speaker 1:

So when we come back, I'm going to talk a little bit more through stories about how people recognize their influence and how they grew it and what impact that it did have. We'll be right back. Hey there, Love this podcast. I'm taking 10 seconds out of this episode to ask you to leave an honest review. More reviews on the show help us to reach more professionals who are ready to lead with leverage. Now let's continue the conversation. All right, so welcome back.

Speaker 1:

This is my favorite time because I'm just going to tell you stories from my world. So I'm an executive coach and I'm on retainer for a few companies and from time to time I get an email that says, hey, can you work with this individual? And I always know there's something more to the story. So I was going to work with this individual and he came to me and I was just asking him tell me a little bit about yourself, Tell me what really lights you up. And one of the first things he said was I'm going to be the first person in this company to be a senior vice president at the age I am. So I will be the youngest senior vice president, and he goes. In fact, every time I'm in any meeting, that's what I tell about myself to my peers, and I was just like okay, so I said so how do you think that makes them feel? And he just had to really get in his head a little bit and think and he goes oh, they probably don't like that. And it was just really interesting to me.

Speaker 1:

I understood the passion around that kind of putting something out there that you want to say what can come to past in the future, Like if I say it, it'll happen. But thinking about influence in that way. You can't create influence by telling people this is where I'm going to be in the future. If he would have really shown how committed he was to the organization, If he was to say to his peers how can I help you, lift you up? Those are the ways that influence is built. Influence is built by investing in others, by not putting yourself first and for sure I know that's a drastic example, but for sure by just saying respect me, this is where I'm going. Demand it from other people. Influence is earned and its influence is earned through your acts. Being focused on the other person first is really a basic necessity, I believe, when it comes to influence.

Speaker 1:

Now, influence in negotiation is really important and influence creates power. So power is an essential aspect of any negotiation because that creates leverage. They're all connected. Influence is how does that other person feel about you? How do they see you? How are you perceived? Now, sometimes you don't really know. You're not sure how somebody might look at you or think about your expertise coming to the table, but it's important to look at. We've talked about looking at the interests of the other party, but when we take the other view of it, we think how do they see us? That gives us a clue into how we can use that to our advantage.

Speaker 1:

Now I remember I used to negotiate with a client of mine. His name was Bill and he was a great negotiator and he knew it and he would actually tell people what a good negotiator he was. He was very shrewd and he would absolutely take advantage of a negotiation at any turn that he could, and people knew that about him. So he wasn't respected as a person. He really was careful that he understood what leverage he had in the deal and that's where he focused. But where influence came into play for me when I was negotiating with Bill was I was really intimidated by him. He always did know the deal points. He always was prepared. He knew so much about his side that he was ready for any question or understanding how to frame his next ask. But he also knew that all about my side too. So that's what was intimidating. He knew so much.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes I felt like he knew more than me and for me that influence that he had over me was so overwhelming that I had to neutralize it for myself Because if not, I would allow that insecurity that I had to get in my head and it would just diminish my ability to pick strong words, to feel confident and to really maneuver through that negotiation. So the way I would do that is when I first got to the negotiation table, while I was really nervous and feeling really cloudy because of that, I would start asking Bill about his young son, and when I did that, it took him out of deal mode and it put him in his dad mode and he loved at this time his child was young and so he loved telling stories of the newest adventure of his son. So during that time I would literally listen, of course, and be interested in the story. But it allowed me to have a conversation with myself and to say, all right, I'm not going to be influenced by him. I was going to be able to really hone my confidence and see myself kind of neutralize the influence I was letting control me through that power, through that being not feeling as able as Bill. So, understanding the influence, whether it's working for you and working against you, it's about getting your right mindset so that you can be as strong as you can be, but it's also understanding how you are influential in the eyes of the other person.

Speaker 1:

Bill, on the other side of that, would only negotiate with me. One of the reasons was is because he respected me and he knew that I would be fair. I did have influence that I would use in my head to get myself to really neutralize that as well. By thinking about how Bill saw me. I just paid attention to the fact that he always asked for me to be a part of it. What he said about some of the other players is not having all of the information, the details, as I did. So thinking about influence before you walk into a conversation or a negotiation is really important and considering your influence in the next conversation you're going to have in the organization where you are a leader. Thinking about it on both sides is a powerful way to consider where you need to build that where you need to have people know you better so you can create that for them. Because, at the end of the day, the influence that you have can provide impact to the organization, because the person that has influence is the one that's heard in the room and throughout the organization. So when we come back, I'll give you three tips to start using today to consider your influence and start to grow it even more. We'll be right back. All right, Welcome back. Here is where the tire hits the road right now.

Speaker 1:

So, as an executive coach, I love to talk about different concepts, but it's up to the people that are listening to really put things in action. So this is for you to think about these tips and what you can do to put it in action. So the first tip is to invest in the other person, to consider what their interests are. Make your mindset about the person on the other side of the table first. What's important to them? Even saying to them what can I do for you? What's important to you? Let's put that out on the table. That's really a power move. It sometimes will take them off guard because I will tell you what. Anytime I do that, people go. Nobody ever asked me that I use this in networking with people. When we go out to coffee, I always ask people what can I do for them? I love it when it does take people off guard. You can tell it because they really think about it, and so investing in others really shows that you are more about them than you and it really starts to build that trust. It's showing that it isn't about me, it's about how can I provide impact to you, and it also gives you that ability to get in their mind right away so that you do understand what's important to them, because it might be something that you can satisfy easily and if you don't ask, you won't know. So focus on them first is tip number one, and tip number two is to do what you say you're going to do.

Speaker 1:

When we make promises to people and we don't follow through, they don't believe we'll do it the next time, and this happens. People do this a lot. They say they make promises, and I've had conversations with quite a few friends and we know those people that don't follow through. It's almost become something that becomes your brand. When you do that, and what it does is, it decreases your influence as leaders. It's so important that when we talk about something in the future or something that we're going to be able to put in place or give to people, even if we're not able to do it, at the end of the day, for whatever reason, if we can't, you have to circle back and say you know, I said I was going to do this, but these are the circumstances now and I'm not able to do it.

Speaker 1:

It's so important as a leader and somebody in trying to build their professional career, because it's all about relationships. So do what you say you're going to do. So if you are forgetful, one thing that you can do is, after you meet with somebody, make sure you write it down, Put it on your calendar, Put the date out there and make sure that you do Make that introduction for somebody, Follow up with them and give them the information that you said you were going to send to them, Whatever it is, even in that moment. Write it down and even say to that person I want to make sure I don't forget. I am making my commitment that I'm going to do this for you. So that's tip number two.

Speaker 1:

And a third and final tip is to really know who those influencers are in the organization, in your family, in your neighborhood, wherever it is, whatever is important to you. When you identify who are the influencers, it's interesting to think about that and even asking yourself why do they hold influence? Is it because of what they do, what they say they're going to do? Is it because they inspire people? There's a lot of reasons why people can build their own influence, and so ask yourself that and then get to know them, Make sure that you're in their sphere, that they see you, Learn from them, Watch them, See what they do, Because influence is built in different ways in different organizations.

Speaker 1:

And so if you see somebody that holds a lot of influence and, by the way, the people that hold influence are the ones that are invited to the meetings, the ones that are always asked advice, the ones that are pulled into the discussions that's how you know somebody that holds influence. So when you see that happening, pay attention, Because that's how influence is built, wherever that community is that that person lives in, and make sure they know you and tell them you admire them. That'll go a long way to somebody that looks at influence in that way. That's empowering. That's somebody that wants to impact others. So when they hear that they do have impact on somebody else that really feeds their mission. So look for that person that holds influence. So those three tips are one focus on the other person. First, Really think about what's important to them. Two, do what you say you're going to do and if you can't, make sure that you follow up with that person and tell them why you couldn't fulfill what you said that you would do. And the third is know who are influencers. Make sure they know you and observe what they do to build that influence.

Speaker 1:

And when we come back, we're going to do the stop, start and continue so you can really think about what you need to do to inspire yourself and the influence that you want to home. All right], Welcome back. This is where we do our stop, start and continue and as an executive coach, it is important that you really take time to think about what are you going to do to change for the future self? We're always a work in progress and when we're intentional about what we want to change and we think about how we're going to change it, we are more likely to ensure that that change happens. So stop, start and continue is one of those great things that I think is a great practice to do. So let's do it now.

Speaker 1:

What are you stop doing around influence and for me this is a hard one. I'm going to stop allowing myself to be influenced in a negative way. I can tell when somebody else is influencing me and it's not good for me, and I will minimize myself and allow them to be bigger. So I'm gonna stop doing that. I'm gonna identify when that's happening and not allow it to continue to occur. What are you gonna stop doing? What are you gonna start doing?

Speaker 1:

I think about influence a lot, so starting doing something new is a challenge for me. To be honest, I'm gonna start thinking about influence. When I go to retail places. I don't think about the influence I hold or how I can do that on a regular basis. I do it really intentionally. When I wanna get a car or I wanna get a good price on something, when I know that the negotiation is there to be had, I will really think about influence. But I think influence can be really used in a way. Even just smiling or adding positive connection with people is influential, and I'm gonna be intentional about doing that more with people. I don't know Cause. I think it's just like kind of giving to the universe, or when you pass it on, people are more likely to do that as well. Maybe we'll start a whole revolution by that.

Speaker 1:

But what are you gonna start doing? Maybe you can start doing that too. And then, what are you gonna continue doing? This is where we get the opportunity to be excited or be glad that we already are doing something well and we need to continue to do it. So what are you going to continue to do? I'm gonna continue to talk about influence, but I'm also going to really make sure that the influence that I am putting out there is in a way that is going to inspire others to do the same. I'm gonna continue to really get people to understand the importance of it and continue to do it. So what are you gonna stop? Start and continue. Make sure you take time to if you haven't already have an answer to each one of those and write them down. The only way you'll remember that later or tomorrow is to write that down, have some self reflection about it and make a commitment. You could even look at your calendar to see what's coming up, so that you can say this is how I'm gonna apply my influence in this way that you're gonna stop, start or continue. I am so glad that you made the decision to be here today. If you want to learn more about what I'm doing, go to negotiationlovecom. Everything's there. And remember negotiation is more than a skill, it's a mindset. So until next time I will see you then.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for listening to this episode of Leaders With Loverage. You can join my newsletter, where your inbox will love a Monday minute. It's an easy read, where I share stories of how others are adopting a negotiator's mindset so that you can use these tips so that you can find success every week. And if you want to read my book, the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation, I have a special offer just for my listeners. These links can be found in the show notes and if you want to work with me, there's more information there as well. I'd love for you to be a part of this movement to adopt a negotiator's mindset, because those who do create opportunities for themselves and they believe the investment is completely worth it. Head to the links in the show notes and just remember that. I appreciate you.

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Susie Tomenchok

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